Whenever someone of a different culture offers to cook dinner, I get excited.  I mean really excited.  During my time in Japan I ate dinner with two Japanese families in their homes.  They were both amazing, but one had an extra, little twist.

In my cheesiest voice I replied, “I’m looking forward to meeting your mom too!” Maybe it wasn’t in the best taste to say that to Kumi, but my inner censor was on vacation. Plans had been made to visit Kumi’s house later that night in Tokyo to have a good, Japanese meal cooked by a good, Japanese housewife. It was sure to be a fantastic time. At least that’s what I thought until I opened my big mouth. Now Kumi was just staring at me. I hoped for a split second that her English wasn’t good enough and she didn’t get my joke. The hope faded as a look of disgust crossed her face and she averted her gaze. At least Charlie was laughing – nervously as people do when trapped in that kind of situation. At least Kumi’s boyfriend, Aaron, wasn’t there to scold me with his disapproving glare. He’s a good friend who moved to Japan to attend an American university in Tokyo. Japanese culture is perfect for him; clean and conservative.

The four of us, Charlie, Aaron, Kumi, and I passed the time until diner by roaming the streets of Tokyo. After a brief stop at a grocery store for the requisite beer run, we eventually made our way to Kumi’s house. It was a nice, upper middle class house built with only a foot or two between each neighbor as is the Japanese tradition. It reminded me a lot of a large American townhouse.

A high-pitched barking noise could be heard coming from inside the house as soon as Kumi began unlocking the door. The front door opened to a small indoor patio area at the bottom of a flight of stairs. A small dog sat up a few stairs from where we stood yipping incessantly. Kumi introduced us to her dog as we America guys slipped off our shoes and began our futile attempt to fit comically undersized slippers onto our huge feet. At some point the dog built up enough courage to descend the stairs for a personal inspection. The inspection only further intensified his frenzy. It reached a crescendo when he peed on the carpet near our shoes. He was unfazed, but the embarrassment was too much for Kumi. She quickly scooped him up and led us all up the stairs to meet her parents.

Her mother was in the kitchen just putting the final touches on dinner. Kumi and her mother started chatting in hurried Japanese. Aaron speaks excellent Japanese, but he was having a hard time picking up what they were saying. Kumi then turned to let us know that her father wouldn’t be joining us for dinner because he had to work late. Charlie and I were the only people who couldn’t speak Japanese and Kumi’s mother was the only one who couldn’t speak English. This pushed Kumi into the role of translator. The girls started talking again, this time more briefly. Kumi then turned to us and said her mother was expecting Aaron’s friends to be younger. This was an interesting, but not totally unexpected comment. Aaron’s school friends were 5 – 10 years younger than us. We shrugged it off and took up the offer to watch sumo wrestling on TV while dinner finished.

As much as I do like sumo wrestling, I like dogs a lot more. I can’t help but play with friendly dogs. Eventually my attention was drawn from fat men slapping each other around to the crazy, tiny dog running laps around the room. The older woman would take breaks from cooking to ask us questions through her daughter. Charlie and I entertained all questions. They were all common questions like: “How do you know Aaron?”, “How long are you in Japan?”, “Where do you work?” etc. At one point she stopped cooking and watched me play with the dog. She said something to Kumi which I assumed was another question. Kumi looked at me and said, “My mother says she didn’t know Aaron’s friends would be so strong.” Not knowing what to do, I laughed a little and flexed my bicep. She looked back at me with a wide smile.

Dinner consisted of a baked fish – something similar to a halibut, I believe – and several salad-like dishes. It was all very well prepared and obviously took quite a while to make. The food was absolutely delicious. To wash it all down, a bottle of sake was brought out. When I say a bottle, I mean it looked like a normal bottle of sake except or its size. It must have been 4 feet tall and almost a foot in diameter at the bottom and it was filled with booze. It didn’t feel so much like a refreshing beverage as a challenge or possibly an experiment. Partway through dinner everyone was feeling very comfortable. We were all laughing and enjoying ourselves when Kumi’s mother spoke again. This time Kumi seemed a little more reluctant to translate. She looked up from her plate and very matter-of-factly said, “My mother says you have very beautiful eyes.” I switched my attention from Kumi to her mother who was now intently gazing into my eyes and said, “Thank you!” There are many times in life where I have looked back on a moment and thought of something much better to say. It seems like there would be something much wittier to say in that situation, but I’m still tongue-tied almost a year later. No more comments like that were spoken during the rest of our meal although I did begin to notice how often her attention was on me for the rest of the evening.

Food had been consumed and a significant portion of the sake was gone. We left the table and split up into different rooms. Charlie and I were standing in the living room around the coffee table watching TV while Aaron, Kumi, and her mother talked in the dining room. Someone remembered the beer we bought earlier and offered to get it out. Kumi’s mother went to the refrigerator, pulled out 3 beers and started handing them out. One went to Aaron, another went to Charlie, but instead of handing me a beer she spoke to Kumi. Kumi looked at me and said, “My mother wants to show you how a Japanese wife serves her husband.” I’m not the kind of guy who turns down an opportunity to be culturally enriched so I agreed to it. She then ran off to the kitchen and returned with a glass. She set the glass on the table, got on her knees, and carefully filled the glass with beer. Then she gingerly placed her hands around the glass and lifted it to me like a geisha. Once again, the only words I could muster were “Thank you!”

The rest of the evening was uneventful. We went for an after dinner walk with the dog before heading to the metro station. Nothing was said about the evening other than how good the food was and how much fun it was. I thought I may have simply been imagining things. Charlie was the first to bring it up. It must have been a few days later while Aaron and Kumi weren’t around. We were talking about how interesting the trip had been and Charlie mentioned Kumi’s mother hitting on me. It was honestly a relief to know that I wasn’t the only one who saw it that way. Looking back, I’m not sure how I could have doubted it. The signs don’t get a whole lot more obvious. Next time I’ll be prepared. It took 29 years for it to happen once so it should happen again sometime just before my 60^th birthday.

Upon my arrival to San Francisco I was struck with the urgent desire to purchase and ride a bike.   Maye it’s something in the water or maybe it was the sight of all those cool hipster kids peddling around with that smug sense of self satisfaction. Whatever the reason, I felt an almost overwhelming compulsion to ride my vintage bike to a popular cafe where I could pick a highly visible place to use a new Macbook.  Fortunately, the only desire I have succumbed to is the purchase of a bike.  Even without research I knew a new bike was out of the question so I went straight to Craigslist.

The 3 people I share a room with came in at about midnight and started goofing around.  Here’s a video.

So, with that out of the way, let me try this again.

These first couple of days in San Francisco have been rather strange.  Maybe it’s to be expected considering how this all came about.  I’m fairly certain that people questioning my sanity may be onto something.  It might not be unnatural to leave home for something new, but this just feels really fast and somewhat unplanned.  My only option now is stick to my loosely-throw-together plan of going to school.  With that in mind, at least one really awesomely hindsight-hilarious thing has happened since I got here.

6:30 am flight

My flight left at 6:30 am July 13th.  That gave me the entire Sunday to look at housing and find my new school.  It also meant I got a total of maybe 2 hours of sleep the night before.  There’s something about making life-changing decisions that impedes any possibility of restful sleep for me.  Eli with 2 hours of sleep is not something I’d like to achieve again, but it was a very interesting experience.  It inhibited my ability to censor my actions.  So, when Alaska Airlines gave me that center seat when I requested an isle, I grumbled but didn’t complain.  I figured I’d sleep either way.  When the rude thoughtless jerk in the isle seat next to me decided to put his feet up on the armrest in front of him and shove my arm off the armrest between us, I got a little passively aggressive.  I put my arm back up and started rubbing his arm with mine ever so softly.  You know, just feeling our masculine armhairs as they mingle.  He moved a bit for me and I fell into a state of mild sleep.  I guess he got brave again because there his arm was again.  The dance had begun.  For 2 hours it was a test of wills.  Every time I even looked like I was falling asleep, there he’d be again.  End result:  No sleep on the plane, but I did accidentally elbow the guy in the head as I was getting up after the plane landed.

drunk roommates

Like I said earlier, this hostel is pretty awesome except for those couple of things I mentioned.  My room is only 4 bunks and has its own bathroom.  Unfortunately, roommates are an unforseeable variable.  I’ve been lucky as far as roommates go.  The worst was a dude in Japan who drunkenly snored for hours on end.  It sucked, but I dealt with it.  Last night was, by far, my most horrifying roommate situation.

These guys stumbled in at about 3:30 am followed closely by the enchanting scent of stale alcohol.  I was only able to fall asleep a few hours earlier because I have difficulty sleeping when I have a severe lack of sleep.  They started by trying to be quiet, but their level of intoxication limited their ability to control how loud their voices were.  So the door was quietly shut and people were tiptoeing around while laughing uncontrolably and speaking French loud enough where I’d be surprised of they didn’t wake people in the next room.

The room was dark, but from what I could tell it was 3 guys and a girl.  They split off into pairs and took two different beds.  The guy and girl took the bottom bunk next to mine and the two guys took the bunk above mine.  Now this is where it gets a little more strange.  I could swear I heard kissing coming from the bed above me, but I thought they were both guys.  It took me a little longer than maybe your average world-traveled individual, but I realized they were gay.  I got like sooo grossed out!  The French-speaking girl belted something in French and they stopped for a bit before moving to the bunk above her and what may have been her boyfriend.

This, however, did not stop things.  The girl kept laughing while saying they should be quiet because I was trying to sleep.  I agreed, but everyone continued to do what they were doing.  The girl proceeded with her insane laughing and the men on the bunk above her kept dry humping causing baby Jesus to cry.  I asked them several times to go to the lobby or a common area where they could talk all they wanted.  They were in no mood to listen to me, though.  I had to think of something more drastic.  The more time passed, he more intense the guy-on-guy action got and the chick wasn’t going to stop laughing.  A few options went through my mind.  First was to yell.  That’s always the first reaction in situations like that, I think.  Even with a total of maybe 6 hours of sleep in 2 nights, I knew this was a bad idea.  I’d become the asshole and they wouldn’t respect me.  I had to assert dominance some other scarring way.  Whatever I did couldn’t be physical or show signs of anger.  I opted on turning on the light and having a conversation.  This would let the humping dudes know I could see them and induce a sense of shame that even their drunk brains could comprehend.  The conversation was simply because if the lights are on, then everyone is awake and we might as well get to know each other.

I started off just asking where they were from, where they were travling, and for how long.  It was as though I just met someone in the lounge and I was getting to know them.  Not only did this stop the sweet, sweet manlovin’ but it also allowed them to see me as the friendly guy who was sleeping until they burst in.  At one point the girl got up and turned the lights out.  The humping stopped, the giggling subsided significantly, and I tossed and turned for another half hour or so before falling asleep.

Conclusion

I found a roommate situation that might work.  It would require me to buy a bike or get used to a long walk, but the guys are cool and it’s in a nice area.

On Saturday I went up to a small town called Nikko.  It is a couple of hours outside of Tokyo by train.  Of course, we took the cheapest one so it took closer to 3 hours.  The town of Nikko is quite beautiful, but it still felt fairly touristy.  I have not been able to escape that feeling in my travels around Japan.  I enjoyed the landscape, temples, rivers, and fresh air.  The groups of “follow the flag” tourists and ridiculously high prices on everything tainted the experience, however.  I am sure the constant torrent of ceaseless rain had something to do with it too.

I booked a ryokan-style hotel through hostelworld.com.  I do not know if it was an actual ryokan, but there was a tatami.  The owner was a very friendly older man who offered to drive us pretty much anywhere we wanted to go within about a 10 minute commute.  We ended up walking around on Saturday night only to find that everything closes at around 6pm in Nikko.  That night ended fairly early to rest for what would be a full day of walking in the rain.

Our first stop was to a lake.  I would mention the name of the lake, but I cannot remember it.  There was a waterfall nearby called Kegan Falls, but I had to take their word for it.  Even after visiting, all I saw was a blanket of fog and rain with a waterfall sound coming from somewhere behind it.  After that disappointing trip we hopped on another bus.  One of the main attractions in Nikko are the hot springs.  You can pay to go to one of many onsens, but you cannot just go to a pool of natural water.  It is all piped into bathing facilities.  In this respect it feels somewhat unnatural, but it was still very nice.  The water was far too hot for me to spend much time in, but it was still relaxing.  I did notice that my legs were several shades redder than normal after bathing.

The next day we visited the famous temples in Nikko.  However they cost a bit over $10 to enter and I was feeling cheap so we just stared at the entrance.  Several unspectacular pictures were taken.

Here’s a link to the BBC article.

Here’s a link to the gallery.

The company is quite small which is something I’ve been really looking for.  Also, their product is an embedded device.  Since working on the Windows Mobile team, I have developed serious gadget lust so I’m pretty stoked.  We’ll see how this all turns out.  I don’t have any expectations, but it would be cool to live in Japan for a while.